Che peccato!

Bonjourno all! I am currently writing from the town I am currently living, breathing... and thats pretty much it... in.

The town in question is Santa Marinella, its not even really a town. More like an oversized village with a very noisy railway running through it which wakes me up at precisely seven every morning. There is also a large contingency of fat, brown people here and lots and lots of olives, gelato and pizza.

The beach would be very picturesque if you could actually see the sand for the masses of oiled and bronzed italian bodies crowding every square inch. The water is clear, but suspiciously warm at times.

The nightlife is fantastic. For one hour between 11 and 12 you can sit on the steps leading down to the beach and smoke some weed with your greasy - but mostly friendly italian counterparts.

The culinary range is incredibly diverse, ranging from pizza to gelato... and back again. If you really are at a stretch for something new I know someone who owns a spear gun and you can catch your very own octopus (if it doesnt catch you first).

As for things to do, as any town resident will tell you, we have a library! A real life working library, complete with one computer and a rickety internet connection and say, oh, a dozen books. They are very sophisticated here.

Oh and the motoring! If YOU are interested in cars, boy is SM the place for you. We boast a wide range of Fiats, Peugeots and Fiats and.... Fiats! But thats beside the point. The point is the condition in which they are in. Lovingly smeared with mud, youths having used it as a free art space by scrawling "Duce!" with a swastika on. And the intricately ordered bumps and scratches, so that the car is so pimped out you cant even recognize what model it is! THAT is what I call good carmanship.

And the fashions! Oh my. The girls dress like beautiful peacocks, love handles spilling lustrously over their spray on denim jeans, t-shirts that end just short of their breasts, displaying a lovely expanse of dimpled stomach flesh. Combine this with ear rings that look like hubcaps stolen from some poor unfortunate soul's Fiat and you get the authentic Euro Glamour Puss look. The boys prefer to dress in imitation of Kevin Federline. This is not an admirable look for many, but the boys in SM certainly pull it off (actually not sarcasm intended there)

The only truly dispicable thing about this otherwise beautiful seaside town is the tonne of beautiful boys. Every where I look I get an eyeful of wonderful male specimen. This is such a hardship and I am not sure whether I can bear it much more...

Love, as always

Cassoo.