No really, they can't.
Dont read this if you feel uncomfortable around depressed people.
My dad is back in hospital, and just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I am too scared to call him because I keep freaking out thinking that this could be the last time I will ever speak to him. He's so old now, and people keep on making insensitive comments about people around my Dad's age. FOR EXAMPLE, John McCain. Stop saying he'd die within a week of becoming president, my dad is that old and I can't bear it when people say it. I don't know what to do, I'm so fucking confused and upset, and at the moment, half the time, I can't tell whats going on. I'm in like a living nightmare. My dad is the only one who still believes in me and I have a horrible feeling he is not going to be here any more. I can't believe it, it's tearing me apart, I can't do anything about it and it makes me feel so fucking impotent. AND THEN I SEE ALL THESE FUCKING IDIOTS talking all this shit to me, and I think to myself, if they knew half of what was going on with me, they'd feel so bad. Maybe that's why I am writing this post, because I want people to feel sorry for me. But the thing is I don't, I'm just sick of people not knowing where I stand etc.
I miss you Daddy, please don't go. I'd really do anything. I'm in literal floods of tears everytime I think about it. fuck fuck fuck
I really think, I am sinking into a pit of despair, and nothing is going to snap me out of it. I find myself hating everyone around me because they seem so happy. I know they might have problems as bad as me, but I'm jealous of them all the same. Do you know what makes me even more upset? Seeing families. I can't bare it in the slightest, it makes me feel so uneasy and left out, and I stare at them a lot and think about how the have no idea how lucky they are.
I wish I was one of the lucky ones
I mean please
give me a break.
It can't happen like this, nothing ever goes right.
The thing is, it's a vicious circle, one thing goes wrong - that I can't control - and then the things I can control all spiral downwards.
I want to go to sleep and never wake up.
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I hope he gets better, truly.
ReplyDeleteFamilies aren't all great.
i hope your dad gets better
ReplyDeletedon't worry, it can only go uphill from here
<3
Hope your dad gets better!
ReplyDeleteChin up, bad times, no matter how horrible, always pass
Good luck with everything!
C
Be strong.
ReplyDeletetell yourself you'll get through this. You'll survive.
and if, unfortunately, your dad doesn't get any better,
You'll have to deal with it, I think your dad wants you to live happily too.
Nothing really lasts forever, including families.
I hope your dad's alright though.
Don't ever give up, you'll fix these.
You can fix these.
if you were one of the lucky ones you wouldn't appreciate things as you do now. you are the lucky one. insight is a gift.
ReplyDeleteI hope your father gets better, I sincerely do. But like you said, he is the only one who believes in you. So give him something to hold on too - his daughter becoming his perfect image. Get your life into shape and get into shape fast. Stop hating on your family since your are going to need them now. Do stray away, but bring them closer. Its going to be hard, but i have faith in you :D
ReplyDeleteyou can do this. i will be watching out for you.
He will make it through.. don't worry dear
ReplyDeletewhatever befalls you, do whatever you can to stay as optimistic as possible. seriously, losing control over the things you think you have control of, its almost the most natural thing that can occur. you don't need to always search for a way to find peace, or to escape what we know.
ReplyDeleteas harsh as it is, and as banally put, life's really not that fair. but the biggest problem is not being able to be happy with understanding how beautiful yet how transient the world really is. you've got to ultimately accept it can't be explained nor understood.
it's never easy, and i wish i could say i know what it feels like, but no one truly does. i wholeheartedly wishes your father gets better, but ultimately, understand that he'd want the best for you. belief is a beautiful armour, and he sure as hell wants you to put it on.
Hope ur dad gets better soon!!
ReplyDeletethanks for the concerns guys, he's out of hospital now, but is still a bit shaky. But he should be fine :)
ReplyDelete